An Epilogue of Sorts
by preciselypotter
Summary: In which a phone call is made, and the true identity of Gossip Girl is revealed. [Fair Warning: written from a Dair-shipping perspective] Rated for language.


GOSSIP GIRL: An Epilogue of Sorts

[INT. – _SMASH_ WRITERS' ROOM]

[WINDOWS SHOW IT IS NIGHT OUTSIDE; ONLY ONE PERSON SITS IN THE ROOM. THE LIGHTING IS DIM AS IF ALL THE JOY HAS BEEN SUCKED OUT. A HAND REACHES OUT AND PICKS UP A CELLPHONE, LYING PRONE ON THE TABLE. THE BACKGROUND PICTURE IS OF DAN AND BLAIR ON THE MET STEPS, BLAIR IN FAUX PRINCESS REGALIA.]

[PHONE RINGS]

STEPHANIE SAVAGE (THROUGH THE SPEAKER): Hello?

[CUT TO SAFRAN'S FACE IN THE WRITERS' ROOM. HIS EXPRESSION IS ONE OF UTTER DISGUST.]

JOSHUA SAFRAN: The fuck are you doing, Stephanie?

[EXT. – STREET CORNER. STEAM RISES ALL AROUND STEPHANIE SAVAGE'S FEET, AS THOUGH SHE HAS RISEN FROM THE DEPTHS OF HELL.]

[INTERCUT BETWEEN INT. AND EXT. LOCATION DURING PHONECALL]

SAVAGE: What?

SAFRAN: You know what.

SAVAGE: Josh, what are you talking about?

SAFRAN: I just watched the finale, Steph! All season, I kept telling people, "it's okay, there's a reason the show's so weird this year. Stephanie's got a plan." You didn't have a fucking plan, Steph!

SAVAGE: Yes, I did! Dan was always going to be Gossip Girl; you knew that.

SAFRAN: Cut the crap, Steph. I'm not one of your Chairstans, _I was the fucking executive producer_. For two years! Two fucking years when you and Schwartz gave up on this show for so-called better things.

SAVAGE: Says the man who left _Gossip Girl_ for _Smash_…

SAFRAN: Oh, don't you get started with me, _Hart of Dixie!_ I'm saying that Dan Humphrey was never fucking Gossip Girl. You lied to me!

SAVAGE: Well, I –

SAFRAN: We _talked about this!_ You said it was –

SAVAGE: I couldn't tell you, Josh! You were too fixated on Dair.

SAFRAN: There's no _way_ it was Dan all along. Either you're the worst storyteller in the history of time, or you wanted to crush Dan Humphrey's character under the heel of your last season knock-off boots.

[AS HE SPEAKS, STEPHANIE SAVAGE LOOKS DOWN AT HER BOOTS SELF-CONSCIOUSLY.]

SAVAGE: Look, Josh, we gave the fans what they wanted. Chuck and Blair got married! So did Dan and Serena! It all worked out perfectly –

SAFRAN: That's what you wanted, you mean. Let's take a look at the ratings for this season; a couple of fans did trajectories and guess how many people gave up on this show once it became the Chuck-and-Blair story.

SAVAGE: As if you weren't catering to them the whole time.

SAFRAN: Yeah, because you _made_ me.

SAVAGE: I was only making a suggestion –

SAFRAN: Stephanie, I know you. You never just make "suggestions," alright? But let's talk about why Dan ended up as Gossip Girl. I'm really interested in knowing that.

SAVAGE: I can't tell you that.

SAFRAN: Can't or won't?

SAVAGE: Just drop it, okay? I'm sure lots of fanfiction writers will come up with a Dair-happy story for you to read and cry about, but it's not my problem. The majority got what they wanted.

SAFRAN: Whose majority? _Are you counting the viewers in Narnia?! Do we have fans at Hogwarts?!_ Tell me, when _did_ we start airing in the _fucking Fire Nation?_

SAVAGE: Calm down, Josh.

SAFRAN: No! I won't! I may not have been the perfect executive producer, but at least I cared that the show made sense! _I cared about it!_ You just wanted some picture-perfect Chair story that doesn't even fucking exist anymore, and to do that you threw Dan and Dair under the bus. Blair too, while we're at it. And Chuck! And Serena! And Nate! Hell, even Rufus and Lily!

SAVAGE: It was necessary!

SAFRAN: How was it necessary, Steph? Why did you turn Dan into Gossip Girl at the last possible second?!

SAVAGE [YELLING]: _I'll never tell!_

[CUT TO CLOSE-UP OF JOSHUA SAFRAN'S FACE, FROZEN IN SHOCK]

[CUT TO CLOSE-UP OF STEPHANIE SAVAGE'S FACE, A MASK OF TERROR]

SAFRAN: Steph… you…

SAVAGE: Forget you heard that, Josh. Forget this whole conversation.

[STEPHANIE SAVAGE'S FACE IS SUDDENLY STEELY, HER EYES GLINTING IN COLD TRIUMPH OF THE SHAME AND HUMILIATION OF FICTIONAL UPPER EAST SIDERS]

SAFRAN: …But how?

SAVAGE: You should know by now, Josh. You know that's one secret I'll never tell.

[STEPHANIE SAVAGE HANGS UP THE PHONE WITH A DECISIVE *BEEP* AND SLIDES THE PHONE INTO HER TRENCH-COAT POCKET. SHE STEPS FORWARD FROM THE STEAMY CORNER AND HAILS A CAB.]

SAFRAN: Hello? Steph – Stephanie, are you there?

[SLOWLY, HIS EYES WIDE WITH FEAR AND CONFUSION, JOSHUA SAFRAN PUTS HIS PHONE BACK ON THE TABLE. THE BACKGROUND PICTURE OF DAN AND BLAIR SHINES BRIGHTLY FOR A MOMENT BEFORE FADING, AND THEN TURNING DARK.]

[THE CAMERA PULLS AWAY FROM HIS SHOCKED FACE AND SLUMPED BODY.]

[STEPHANIE SAVAGE GETS IN A CAB, CLOSING THE DOOR NEATLY. HER FACE IS SUDDENLY DEVOID OF ALL EMOTION.]

CAB DRIVER: Where to?

SAVAGE: The Palace Hotel.

[THE CAB DRIVES OFF, ENTERING TRAFFIC.]

[CLOSE-UP OF STEPHANIE SAVAGE'S FACE AS SHE CONTEMPLATES THE NEW YORK SKYLINE.]

SAVAGE [SOFTLY]: XOXO…


End file.
